things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
love makes seman taste better
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Found your dick twin last night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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