Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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