after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
