see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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