I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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