I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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