I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
