Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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