Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
