Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
