Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
