Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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