Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
