I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
