Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
