Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
