So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
