glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
