Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
