So drunk its hurt
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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