it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
