Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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