Sponge bath it is.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
