But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
