I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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