Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
