Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
