No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
