I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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