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Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
