No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
