it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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