come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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