Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
