somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
