also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
