I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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