He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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