Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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