I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
