i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
