Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
