Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
