turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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