I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
