so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
