went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
