She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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