Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
