Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
as a side note pls kill me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
