I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
