theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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