she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
